i believe in miracles

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Jesus Exposes Himself to Samaritan Woman: John 4:1-26 (how I would say it)

[no disrespect intended in the title. It was just too funny, and I know God is the author of humor]

When Jesus learned that the fact that he was dunking more people and becoming more popular than John was causing a real stir among the Pharisees (even though he wasn’t actually doing the dunking, but his followers were), he decided to leave Judea and go back to Galilee.

The way they went back took them through a town called Sychar in Samaria. The town was near the land the Jewish forefather Jacob had bequeathed to his also infamous son Joseph. There was a famous well there called Jacob’s well. It was about noon and Jesus was already worn out, so he stopped to rest at that well.

One of the local Samaritan women came along to draw water from the well and Jesus said to her, “How about giving me a drink?” (He was alone—his followers had gone into the town to get something to eat.)

The Samaritan woman replied, “You’re asking me for a drink? You’re a Jew and I’m a Samaritan woman.” (Jews normally wouldn’t associate with Samaritans.)

Jesus answered, “Yea, well, if you only knew who’s asking you for a drink—God’s gift to mankind—you would be begging me for a drink of life-giving water.”

“Is that so? You don’t even have anything to draw water with, how would you get it out? What’s life-giving water anyway? Is this water not good enough for you—the very water that our forefather Jacob, his sons and livestock drank?”

Jesus answered, “Drink all you want from this well. You’ll just get thirsty again. But the water I’m offering only has to be drunk once and then no more thirst. Because my water becomes a spring inside the person who drinks it—a spring of eternal life.”

The woman replied, “I’ll take it! Then I won’t have to keep coming back here to get water.”

Jesus said, “Okay. Go get your husband and come back.”

 “I don’t have a husband,” she replied.

Jesus said to her, “Good answer.  The fact is you have had five husbands, and the man you’re with now isn’t one of them. You’re absolutely right.”

 “Wow,” the woman said. “Okay, then, if you know so much, tell me why you Jews say we can’t perform our religious ceremonies on this mountain when our ancestors worshiped on this mountain. You say we have to go to Jerusalem to worship.”

“Listen,” Jesus replied, “soon enough it’s not going to matter where you worship. You don’t even know what you’re worshipping anyway. We Jews know though, because the hope of mankind is Jewish. Anyway, the game is about to change—it’s changing already—and those who are actually revering and adoring God—not just going through the motions—do it through his Spirit, and it’s real. That’s the kind of person God wants worshipping him. God is a spirit and so if you want to worship him, you have to do it with your spirit, and sincerely, and it doesn’t matter where.”

The woman said, “Game changer, huh? Well, I know that a christened savior of mankind is supposed to be coming, and when he does, he’ll explain everything.”

Jesus said. “And who do you think you’re talking to right now? It’s me! Christened savior of mankind, at your service!”

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We’ve Been Following the Wrong Guy! John 1:35-51 (how I would say it)

The_pleasure_of_Night_sky_viewing_Sanyam_kumar_shrivastava,_MD_Star_astronomy_club,_Bhopal (this image only somewhat unrelated to text)

The next day John was there again with two from his entourage, and when he saw Jesus going by he said, “Look, there’s God in the flesh!”

When the two men he was with heard him say that, they packed up and started following after Jesus. Jesus turned around and looked at them and said, “Can I help you?”

They said, “We’d like to learn from you. Do you mind if we join you?”

“Sure, why not,” Jesus said. “You can see my ‘headquarters’ and then decide if you want to stick around.”

So the two followed him, saw his “headquarters” and hung out with him all day until about four in the afternoon.

One of these two men was named Andrew, and he had a brother named Simon Peter. Right off, Andrew went and found his brother Simon and told him, “We’ve found the One all the prophesies point to, God in human form.” And he brought him back to meet Jesus.

Jesus took one look at him and said, “I know you – you’re Simon son of John. I’m going to call you The Rock” (a.k.a. Peter).

Philip and Nathanael Join Up

The next day Jesus decided to leave for Galilee. On the way, he met a man named Philip and asked him to join the group.

Like Andrew and Peter, Philip was from the town of Bethsaida. Philip went looking for his friend Nathanael and told him, “You’ve got to come see who we found – the very person that Moses and the prophets were writing about all these years. His name is Jesus, he’s from Nazareth, his father is a man named Joseph.”

“No way, Nazareth! I’m so sure that God incarnate is going to come out Nazareth.” Nathanael said skeptically.

“Just come and see for yourself,” said Philip.

Jesus saw Nathanael walking up and commented to those nearby, but within Nathanael’s hearing, “Now here comes a dyed-in-the-wool Israelite – as genuine as they get.”

“Who told you that?” Nathanael asked.

“Nobody,” Jesus answered, “I figured it out for myself from watching you under that fig tree earlier today.”

Knowing no one could have seen that, Nathanael blurted out, “Holy… you! You must be the son of God. You’re the rightful king of Israel.”

Jesus said, “Did that impress you – my ability to see what you were doing under that fig tree? That’s a drop in the bucket compared to what’s coming up.” Then he added, “The fact is, you’re going to see the atmosphere part and angels go up and come down to me from outer space.”

[Nathanael’s mind is officially blown!]